she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
