at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
