dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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