Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
