I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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