like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
