Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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