hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
