I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
