I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
