Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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