We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
