Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
