It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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