I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
