well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
