"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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