mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
