no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
