I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
should my penis look like a turkey
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
