If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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