At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
