Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
