sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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