I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
