So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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