Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
