theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
