His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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