singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
