Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
