32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
