tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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