i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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