Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
