how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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