You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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