NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
