I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
