I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
