That's intense
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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