Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
