too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
