1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
