Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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