420 ftw
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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