Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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