how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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