Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
