gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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