Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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