I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
