I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
